Growing up I’ve always wanted to do so much, but never fell through with anything. I’m really afraid of failure and disappointing others. I never felt like I was “great” at anything. Like, for example, I know how to do makeup well enough to do mine and look fine, but not well enough to do it professionally. I never had one skill that I can honestly (and confidently) say I was REALLY good at doing. I’ve always felt average. This caused me to switch jobs frequently, switch my major in school frequently, and drop out of school entirely. I eventually shut down completely. I settled for a long time because I didn’t want to’ “fix what’s not broken” ,but I was never happy with my career choice. I knew three things over the years: 1. I would like to do something for the youth. 2. I would like to do something with music, and 3. I would like to have some type of outlet where I can express myself.
These three things felt impossible for many reason. The main reason was because I had shut down from life and didn’t have drive to do any of this. I didn’t want to do to school. I thought since I didn’t rap, sing, or play any type of instruments that the music thing was just about impossible. I didn’t have the money to invest in any of these things so why even bother. This is when the people around you impacts your life. I been blessed to have some dope friends to guide me when I felt lost. I was so lost at one point that I would pray every night asking why I was like how I was. I use to randomly cry my eyes out when I thought about how my life was going. People use to tell me that I was so smart and creative but I never could see it to believe it. One day a friend sat me down and really wanted to help me get enrolled back in school. She believed in me without judging me and that’s what we all need and desire from anyone.
Going back to school I started to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I realized that I could do more. I could do whatever my heart desires. Even though school gave me a bit of empowerment, I often thought (and honestly still do) that school wasn’t for me. I really wanted to be doing something more creative; more me. I wrote a lot. I had a journal where I would express myself. That’s where this blogging idea came from, so I took a creative writing class. Then I realized this was for me. Over a course of a year I bought a laptop, found a new job, and graduated community college (and got accepted into an university). As I go forward in my life, I tend to take even more leaps like ordering business cards, creating this blog, and most recently, buying a microphone to start my podcast. I tell you all these things because motivating your peers is key. Nobody wants to go through life doing everything alone. Be more than someone’s friend; be their support group. Over the course of time, I will have more ways you can do that for others. Everyone needs a support group. #Thisiswhatdepressionlookslike