Your Wants vs. Others

We often have this fight within ourselves whether we should do what we want or just do what makes our loved ones happy. Honestly, making others happy makes you miserable. How many times have you felt lonely even though you have friends and family you love and care for? Most of us are depressed because we are there for others when they need us, but when we need people no one’s there for us. This all starts with our family.

As a child, we were all taught to think about our futures. Some of us grew up in a household with people from the same work field and expected to do the same once we get older. For example, my grandmother is a retired nurse. I also have quite a few family members in that field. When I was on high school (more so 11th and 12th grade) I felt pressured to pick a field of study in the medical field. I knew that wasn’t something I wanted to do. I often stressed about how I was going to break the news to my grandmother that I wanted to go to school for education and not nursing. Don’t get me wrong, I respected nurses, however, I know that’s not a field for me. She often told me teachers didn’t make a good amount of money or it wasn’t a secure job. The last thing I wanted to do was disappoint her. I wasted a lot of my time trying to make her happy by taking classes in the medical field, but all that did was hold me back. I was often sad because my grades were low and I knew I wasn’t happy with what I was doing. Finally I worked up the courage to do what I wanted. I talked to her. I let her know that I wasn’t happy trying to be something I know wasn’t for me. She didn’t like it but she understood. She honestly didn’t have a choice.

The late Robin Williams said, “I think the saddest people always try to make everyone happy because they know what it is like to feel worthless and don’t want anyone else to ever feel like that” This quote hits home for me. Often I wanted acceptance from my loved ones so I did what they wanted to get that recognition that I felt like could live without. This followed me in everyday things like my work place, my relationships/ friendships, things I posted on social media etc. I was addicted to wanting to be accepted.

These big corporations know this too. Think about it, why do you thing they have employee of the month and 5 year plaques? They know most of us yearn for acceptance. My last job even had “recognition forms”. These were cards you can send to other coworkers to recognize what they’re doing for a company. Things like this will have you at a not so good job longer because they make it seem like they care about you. Same with relationships. We’re often blind by compliments and attention and not by stuff were really need like stability and loyalty. That’s why when a lot of our relationships end with people we often think on “what went wrong” or “what did I do wrong”.

There’s not a set way to fix this completely. Know your worth with people. Real friends and loved ones will accept you for you. Don’t sway so far right to the point that you lose yourself in the process. This goes for jobs, relationships, life choices etc. it all seems different but it’s not. We often become depressed trying to make others happy and not focusing on what we want. We often feel lonely because others isn’t there when we need them to be but that’s because being happy sometimes means being selfish ( which is what they’re practicing) learn to be selfish and always remember that there’s people out there that support what you want to do. You probably haven’t met them yet. #thisiswhatdepressionlookslike.

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