People always tell us not to let our past tamper with our future, but have you ever felt like you couldn’t really help it? I try to outgrow what I’ve went through, but some things just stick. Most of my insecurities came from things people I love (or once loved) have told me. I guess that’s the reason it took me so long to share my stories and opinions with you all. I was told by someone that my opinions didn’t matter. I was told that I wasn’t important enough for others to listen to me and be inspired. This crushed my spirit tremendously. Words hurt. I don’t care what they taught you in grade school. Words have caused so many people to commit harm to themselves even as far as suicide.
I was verbally abuse by someone I loved for years and it messed with me mentally. It made me self-conscious, insecure, paranoid, and just flat out depressed. I obsessed myself with the things they told me and it effected my relationships with others. I overthink things people tell me and decisions I make, and when I make a “wrong decision” I get emotionally drained. Being in a new relationship I’m often afraid I’m going to mess up things with my insecurities. I was told in the past that no guy would settle for me. I was told that so much that I started to believe it. How could someone come in my life and truly love me? I’m 27 still in this transitioning stage. Why would anyone want to deal with my baggage?
I have to constantly remind myself that transitioning is a form of growth. I’m becoming a better me. A stronger me. My boyfriend reminds me of this too. His support and positive words motivate me to be stronger. Everyone needs support from their love ones to grow. “Everyone thinks you make mistakes when you’re young. But I don’t think we make any fewer when we’re grown up” Writer Jodi Picoult once said. True, we don’t. You’re always learning. I learned that in order for me to grow from what has hurt me is for me to prove them wrong. Success is your best revenge. Let what once scarred you in the past be your stepping stone for greatness. #thisiswhatdepressionlookslike