I was listening to a lady’s story about her ex-husband and I almost broke down. She went through so much and lost everything. He stole everything from her and disappeared. She had two kids and was pregnant with her third. She felt lost and hopeless. She had no idea where she would go, what she would do, and how to move forward with from the situation. She had no help. Her parents were deceased, he siblings were all under 18, and she had no uncles or aunts. His family wanted nothing to do with her or the kids. I asked her how she pulled through. She told me her kids gave her strength. They were all toddlers and she didn’t want them to suffer from her mistakes. She had a friend who watched her kids while she’ll work. She stayed in shelters. She did what she had to do to make it out.
I have trust issues. Like her, I’ve also have put myself in situations that has brought me as low as I could possibly go. To me, you have to be a monster to take advantage of someone in their most vulnerable state. It’s hard for me to allow someone in my life. I’m still learning how to express myself without feeling uncomfortable. I was put in a situation where I couldn’t say what I felt without getting let down. I was often told that I didn’t know what I was talking about or what I was saying was flat out pointless. I felt stupid. I felt like I didn’t know anything worth talking about. I would often stay to myself and not say much. Luckily, I have some great people in my life to tell me the complete opposite. At first, I didn’t listen because I only wanted acceptance from him. I waste so much time trying to earn his acceptance. I was losing myself trying to please him and people around me could see it. I distanced myself from my friends so I wouldn’t be judged. I lost my mind.
“It is never too late to be what you might have been.” Novelist, George Eliot once said. This always comes to my mind when I reminisce about my past. As much as I would constantly think that everything I wanted to do was over, and I had to settle, I remember that no matter how long we wait to do things, there’s always time to strive for more. We can’t dwell on what we missed out on or lost in the past because of our mistakes. We have to push forward and open up for new opportunities that’s waiting for us. The lady I was talking to, for example, went from not working and homeless to a college grad working a salary job. She believed in herself first. Like Maya Angelou once said, “I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” #thisiswhatdepressionlookslike