Christmas is next week and I’m pretty excited. This was my first holiday season in I don’t know how long that I only worked one job. Financially, it was difficult for me. I’m so use to buying people the gifts I want and having money left over for me. That wasn’t the case. I’ve did all my shopping, paid all my bills, and only have money left over for food and travel (to work, etc.). The thought of this honestly made me quite sad at first. Then I saw the bigger picture. Last year I worked 60 hours a week and had school. I got extremely sick to the point that I couldn’t physically make it into work. I realized then that my health was more important than some gifts.
The gift situation wasn’t the only thing difficult about this year for me. This was the first year without my grandfather. I’d always looked forward to buying him something, giving it to him, and watching his face light up with joy. He liked everything I bought him and even bigger than that, he appreciated anything someone did for him. He was one of the most humble people I knew. Just talking about him now makes me emotional. Even though for the last few month he wasn’t fully responsive, the energy around the house was still different. I’m still use to getting ready for work and going to talk to him before I walk out the door. Even though he didn’t talk back, I felt his energy. With him not here I notice my grandmother’s mood being quite different too. The other day she told me about the holiday parties they thrown for years. She finished the story telling me how much she missed him. It’s not easy for me to see her sad, but I couldn’t imagine how it must feel to lose your husband of 54 years.
My grandmother and I have been really close this past month. We been helping each other get through this tough holiday season. From shopping together, to decorating and even going out to eat together. Most importantly, we pray together. We make sure that we both stay grounded and stress free. Things are easier with a team. Without her, I don’t know how I would have gotten through this month. I admire her strength. I admire her intelligence and I admire her ability to be honest with herself. She’s not afraid of telling you how she feels. She told me that if I’m ever hurting inside that I NEED to express it no matter what. She always believed that most people die because they’re going through things physically and emotionally by themselves without getting help. I agree. I know from personal experience that keeping stuff inside can be draining. She watched some of her close friends pass with secrets. Whether it was relationship issues or sickness.
This season connect with a love one. Help someone out. This is a difficult time for a lot of people for both of the reasons I expressed earlier. If we help one another we can accomplish a whole lot more. We’re all different. Me personally I believe in prayer and team work. Find what works for you. My grandmother always told me that depression comes from self-isolation. Expressing yourself to your peers without worrying about judgement is key. Listening to your love ones express their feelings without judgement is key. The best gift you could give yourself is integrity. #thisiswhatdepressionlookslike