Discovering My True Self. The Beginning.

For the last year, I been trying to figure out what I’m doing with my life. Chapter 30 is rapidly coming and I don’t feel like I did much to show for it. It makes me disappointed when I think about it. I have a thing where I compare my accomplishments with others and view myself as a failure because of it. Sounds familiar? A lot of us do it. We get on social media, look at people we grew up with or people in our age bracket and think, “what am I doing wrong??” It’s a false way to live. For one, a lot of what you see on social media isn’t real. It’s getting so bad with false reality that people start to believe their lies they tell. That’s damaging to your mental. You start to believe that your reality isn’t appealing enough to portray on social media. Therefore, so many of us end up depressed. Also, we’re all not offered the same opportunities as others. We can’t beat ourselves up for that. Life is about beating adversity and gaining from it. Without a form of adversity, life would seem dull and confusing. Adversity gives your life the plot it needs to be a complete story. I believe everything happens for a reason. Sometimes you’ll never figure out what that reason is and that’s OK.

This year, I realized that it was time to live for me. For my whole adult life up until this point, I did everything based off what my family would want. I was depressed because if this. I didn’t excel in school because I didn’t enjoy it. I didn’t enjoy school because I wasn’t doing anything that I cared about. I was doing what I thought would make others happy and we should never do that. I often had a job but nothing that made me happy to go to work. I dread working. To be more specific, I dread working for other people. I don’t feel like my calling in life was to work in someone else’s dream. This following year, I wanted to work on being able to make money without relying on a job. I have a blueprint of what I would like to do I just need to test it out. It’s really exciting to know that I have an escape plan in the works. I wake up almost everyday and ask myself, “What am I doing? Is this REALLY what you want to do with your life? You know you deserve more right?” then I pray for guidance. My faith has kept me strong during this journey.

What I want you to gain by reading this is belief in your ability. I want you to know that only YOU must live YOUR life. Ask yourself the following questions:
1. Are you where you want to be in life at this age (financially)?
2. Are you doing what you dreamed you’ll be doing at this age?
3. Were your goals even realistic?
4. What does your family think about you? Do you care?
5. What do you need to accomplish to make yourself happy?

These are the questions I had to ask myself before I started my blueprint. I made a goal that I plan on accomplishing. I’m not at all close to fully discovering myself, but this start has truly brought so much joy to my heart. I want more. I deserve more and I will do anything for that. #thisiswhatdepressionlookslike

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