“The first time I felt like killing myself was when I was 10 years old. I’ve struggled with my health since I was a baby and I remember being angry at God cuz he made me suffer so much, I was constantly in & out of clinics and any kind of healers my parents came across. I remember telling my mom I wanted to die and wanting reassurance and support from her, to be told I was loved. Instead, she told every family member she could that I wanted to die, not sure what she got out of doing it. From then on, I knew I didn’t have anyone else to support me emotionally, I guess that’s when I realized mental health was a thing.
My dad was always working. My mother was a stay at home wife until I was 15, she was always occupied with things that weren’t me. That was normal to me. I didnt see it as if my parents had any mental issues growing up. They were good providers, I never went hungry, always had a roof over my head and clothes on my back. They just lacked emotional intelligence but that also had to with how they were raised.
As an adult, I struggle with depression and anxiety and suicidal thoughts when stressed. I hate antianxiety meds cuz they make me feel too suicidal to function. I take mental health days as often as I can and keep in touch with the few close friends that I have. My creative outlets include sewing, painting, cooking/baking, and I work on learning new ways to create with different mediums.
Mental awareness to me means being mindful about your own mind and your actions. I can only speak for myself but I’m constantly in my head so i try to check myself. I like to think that my conscience keeps me in line. You gotta be the change you wanna see in the world right?”
IG & Twitter: @sony_is_awesome