Being you.

One of the biggest struggles I had in my life was expressing myself. I had trouble being the person I wanted to be because I worried about what others thought about me. Once I started doing the things I wanted to do, look the way I wanted to look, and Stop worrying about what the next man Thought about me, I started to know what true happiness was. Self expression is loving the person who you are. If you’re hiding something from other people that just means you’re not comfortable with who you are and you might not necessarily love yourself the way you should. I’m not just talking about just your appearance, this could be your career path or even your sexual orientation. Expressing who you are lifts a weight off your shoulder that’s been holding you back for a long time. Remember that you’re the only person that has to live your life and being true to yourself is the only thing that matters. Also, as the person from the outside looking in, be a welcoming person. Listen to your peers. Make them feel comfortable enough to express themselves to you and stop being so judgmental. Even though this is about self-expression, without your support then that person will never feel comfortable expressing themselves. Remember that no one‘s journey is alone; that at the end of all of this, this it’s a team effort to make each other happy just as well as finding your own happiness. #thisiswhatdepressionlookslike

 

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Overwhelmed with Joy. (Appreciation Post)

Wow, I didn’t think posting an audio post would do so well, but it’s my best performing post yet! Growing up I wasn’t much of a talker. This was mainly because I was both shy and insecure. My gap tooth was always my biggest insecurity. I would hate reading out loud and when I did, I would mumble and stutter because of my nerves. For two years, I was put in a reading development class because they thought I struggled with reading. The teacher knew I could read she also knew I struggled with communicating with others. I was so awkward. I had trouble making friends because I was uncomfortable with talking to strangers. Most of my close friends growing up was my family.

Ironically, when I started college, I decided to major in Speech Communications. I learned a lot about public speaking and working in groups. It was life changing. I always wrote a lot so blogging was my fate I feel. I met a guy about two years ago and he asked me what I thought about radio or podcasting. I laughed. I told him I wasn’t built for anything like that. He was confused but I was very serious. I was still insecure about my public speaking abilities. The idea was cool, but I didn’t have confidence in myself to make that move.

My boyfriend and I for the longest talked about me getting a microphone. I went back and forth with the idea. It was the only way I could face my fear of speaking to others. One day I just made the purchase. Cool, but what was next? I literally stared at the box for weeks until I decided to try it out for the first time. Once I did I was mind blown. I instantly got comfortable. I didn’t know exactly what I should do with my microphone, then just two nights ago, I thought “why not record segments on your blog?” and here we are. I guess what I’m trying to say is that this is one of my biggest accomplishment over the course of my life and thank you all for embracing it. Love you all and I’ll continue to use my voice to help other. If you struggle with this, you can grow out of it. Stuff takes time. I’m 27 now and I just got comfortable with the idea of networking. Let life take its course. #thisiswhatdepressionlookslike

Growing Out of Relationships (Audio)

We often cherish the friends we’ve had since we were kids. It’s not often we keep in touch with people that we went to grade school with. It’s almost like an accomplishment. Over the years, we’ve change physically, mentally and even spiritually. In my opinion, there’s no way you could be the same exact person you were ten years ago. While most of us mature and grow over the course of life, some of us just don’t. We all have a friend or two that comes off as the same as when we first met them (flaws and all). Now ask yourself, is that necessarily a good thing or do we just make it ok? We would argue that we knew who that person was when we met them and we shouldn’t expect them to change, BUT do that mean we are obligated to still deal with them? Here’s a short audio clip I recorded on my thoughts about these situations. Enjoy! #thisiswhatdepressionlookslike

Bad Starts Lead to Happy Endings.

My year isn’t starting off as strong as I would have desired and I been pretty bummed about it. Staying positive has been helping me get through for the last few years, but there’s some bad people in this world that are waiting to take advantage of you. Here’s my story…

For the last few weeks I been applying for jobs and going on interviews. I hadn’t been successful. Either the job isn’t offering me what I desire or not contacting me back. It sucks to feel like you don’t deserve what you desire and that’s exactly how I felt. I was applying for jobs (per usual) and a man contacted me back. He saw my resume and seemed to be impressed. We did a phone interview and he told me to do some tasked for him while they’re remodeling his office. He told me he wanted to donate to some charities and work some events.  I was quite happy. I was making some extra money doing good for others. So I took the position and he sent me a check the next week to start on the first task.

The check was for about $4000. Honestly, at that point, I was a little nervous. No one has ever trusted me with that much money before. Hell, I wouldn’t trust anyone with that much either. I went to the bank to deposit the money and everything was fine. The next day while I was at Money gram he wanted me to send about $1100 to three separate people. Even though I was still a bit skeptical I did two of the three. After the first one I told him that it seemed a bit sketchy and he talked me through it. My heart wouldn’t do the third one. My observation was right because right when I got to my job the bank had frozen my account. They told me that they were investigating my account and the check may be fraudulent. So I called him and told him about it. He wanted me to deposit the rest of the money in an unknown account and in that moment I knew I should had went with my heart. I felt so dumb, I still do. Now my account is overdrawn about $2000.

I learned three lessons from this situation:

  1. LISTEN TO YOUR FIRST MIND. We often listen to others and not to ourselves. Trust what you feel and do what makes YOU comfortable. Money is important to live but don’t make irrational decisions chasing it. If something feels sketchy don’t go through with it.
  2. DON’T BEAT YOUSELF UP FOR MAKING A BAD DECISION. This was a hard one for me. I still think of how dumb I was for falling for such a scam. This is not my fault. IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. There are bad people in this world that will take advantage of you. They know you need something whether its money, a job, or just a desire to do something good in this world. You can’t blame yourself for seeing an opportunity that would work for you and taking it. Work on getting pass it instead of dwelling on it.
  3. CHECK ON ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS, INCLUDING THE “STRONG” FRIEND. This is an IMPORTANT factor for not just the victim, but for the victim’s family and friends. We all need someone to talk to, even that friend that comes off like nothing is ever wrong. As a friend learn how to ask if someone is ok. Don’t assume because someone is smiling or quiet that they’re fine. I’ve always tried to be that person that would hold others up. I never like to randomly call people and just tell them my problems. My own boyfriend doesn’t know that this incident above happened to me. This is why it’s important to just ask, “How are you?” or “what’s been going on with you? Are you ok?” which by the way he does. It is also important for you to ACTUALY express what’s going on. You can’t heal by staying in the dark and you don’t know what might change by telling someone else. When I told my friend Kim about my situation she told me a story about another friend that had went through something similar and how they got through it. I gained not only knowledge about it but I gained confidence that I’ll get passed it.

I hope by reading this post that you’ll allow yourself to be open with your friend. Also, I hope you allow yourself to be a listener to people in need. Relationships (any kind) is a TEAM effort and there’s no I in Team. #thisiswhatdepressionlookslike

Happy New Year.

We’re already four days into the New Year and I’m ready to get the ball rolling on my life. The last few weeks was a bit of a roller coaster, but I managed to make it through. I don’t believe in resolutions like most, but I do believe in setting goals for yourself. I know they seem the same, but it’s not. My goals have been the same for years. Each year I’ve gotten closer and closer to them. I don’t have a timeline on when I would like them done, but each year my grind becomes more and more resilient. I don’t just work to make sure I’m good. I work to make sure that my love ones are solid too. Everything isn’t always about you. Life is about balance.

This year isn’t anything special. Nothing about this year is any different than the last, but each New Year is clean slate. I look back at 2017, see the mistakes I’ve made, and try to learn from them. Each year I start to love myself more and more. The mistakes remind me that I’m human. We often dwell on them and let them get in our heads, but there’s nothing wrong with making mistakes. There’s nothing wrong with making a few bad decisions in the course of your life. It’s about the knowledge you gain from things. This year, like every other year, is about growth.

A few posts back I wrote about taking a leap of faith. Consider it. If you don’t take risk in life then you’ll life will always be the same. Are you really happy with the life you live now or would you like more for yourself? We often settle for what we have because it’s familiar. The life we have now is convenient and we don’t want to complicate anything. You’re complicating your life by doing nothing. The longer you stay in a routine they harder it is to break that cycle. I was talking to the girl last week about writing. She told me it was too late for her to pursue her dreams of writing books and she needs to stay working at the job she’s at. She had been there 3 years, working hard for a promotion she hasn’t gotten yet. She was 31 and had gave up on her dreams of writing books. She rather work for someone then create her own wave for herself. Honestly, I was disappointed.

Like that girl, I too have felt like I should give up on my dreams too. The old me felt like I didn’t have the time (or money) to pursue anything on my own. Even deeper than that, I didn’t have the confidence to try entrepreneurship. It took a lot of hard work and dedication to start something up for yourself. I thought it was just easier to find a company and work for them. You won’t be held accountable for any major decisions. Then I really thought about it. I was never happy working for someone else. I never liked doing the kind of work I been doing and I think I’m more valuable than these companies treat me. I was often told that I was smarter than the position I was working and people was right. You’re never too old to follow your dreams. This year dedicate your time into doing something you love. Don’t give up on your dreams because you feel old or people around you don’t support like you desire. Take that leap you’ve been wanting to for years. Change your life cycle and watch you growth. You can’t grow without planting new seeds and nourishing them. #thisiswhatdepressionlookslike