The Idea of Growth.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve came along way with my depression issues. Other days I feel like I’m exactly the same as before. I still have common traits of someone who severely suffers from Depression. My most common trait being the lack of drive to do anything. When I first started my blog, I was excited. I wanted to post every day and change lives. That drive was short lived. I come off as someone with so much ambition and confident but in all reality I have my ups and downs. I spend a lot of time thinking about isolating myself from everyone. Working on myself and growing on my own. No one understands what I go through mentally and I often feel like no one cares. I often feel like I take one step forward then something happens and knocks me two steps back. I think the fraud took a big toll on me. Mainly because I still haven’t fully bounce back from it.
I grew up in a household where my grandmother was the backbone of the family. I wanted to be just like her. She was a strong woman who everyone respected. One thing I learned about my grandma as I got older was that she wasn’t as strong as we saw her. She often had adversities but handled them on her own. She didn’t want to show a sign of weakness. I’m like her a lot when it comes to that. I would never tell you I’m struggling in any way, shape, or form. That’s not good. Sometimes you need help so you can figure out things faster. A lot of people complain when it comes to helping others, and I understand, but I view it as a positive thing. If people don’t ever need you or want you around then what’s your true purpose?
Growth requires communication. Having someone to talk to is key. A lot of us think we’re are strong enough to do things on our own. This is mainly because we’ve been forced to handle thing on our own. Isolation starts from lack of interaction from others. At a young age, kids pick and choose who they should and should not befriend. Who’s “weird” and who’s “normal”. A lot of them don’t grow out of that mind state. Which is why people fall into depression trying to make others happy and/or satisfied. Trying to buy things or go places that they can’t afford. Trying to earn money illegally because the jobs they qualify for isn’t something they would like to do. This is because of lack of growth. This is when working as a team is key. Two people from two different walks of life could be going through the same exact thing mentally. Whether you’re depressed because you’re struggling financially or depressed because you make a lot of money so you don’t know who your real friends or not, YOU’RE BOTH SUFFERING FROM THE SAME THING. We’re are more alike than we realize.
I been looking into places to have meetups and just panel discussions about different topics for different people from different walks of life to open up. Help one another by telling your story. Just because your upbringing was different doesn’t mean your mental state is. I think by constantly reminding myself that I still have time to grow and I need to associate myself with people I can open up to, will allow me to get over the hump that I’m struggling with. #thisiswhatdepressionlookslike

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Bad Starts Lead to Happy Endings.

My year isn’t starting off as strong as I would have desired and I been pretty bummed about it. Staying positive has been helping me get through for the last few years, but there’s some bad people in this world that are waiting to take advantage of you. Here’s my story…

For the last few weeks I been applying for jobs and going on interviews. I hadn’t been successful. Either the job isn’t offering me what I desire or not contacting me back. It sucks to feel like you don’t deserve what you desire and that’s exactly how I felt. I was applying for jobs (per usual) and a man contacted me back. He saw my resume and seemed to be impressed. We did a phone interview and he told me to do some tasked for him while they’re remodeling his office. He told me he wanted to donate to some charities and work some events.  I was quite happy. I was making some extra money doing good for others. So I took the position and he sent me a check the next week to start on the first task.

The check was for about $4000. Honestly, at that point, I was a little nervous. No one has ever trusted me with that much money before. Hell, I wouldn’t trust anyone with that much either. I went to the bank to deposit the money and everything was fine. The next day while I was at Money gram he wanted me to send about $1100 to three separate people. Even though I was still a bit skeptical I did two of the three. After the first one I told him that it seemed a bit sketchy and he talked me through it. My heart wouldn’t do the third one. My observation was right because right when I got to my job the bank had frozen my account. They told me that they were investigating my account and the check may be fraudulent. So I called him and told him about it. He wanted me to deposit the rest of the money in an unknown account and in that moment I knew I should had went with my heart. I felt so dumb, I still do. Now my account is overdrawn about $2000.

I learned three lessons from this situation:

  1. LISTEN TO YOUR FIRST MIND. We often listen to others and not to ourselves. Trust what you feel and do what makes YOU comfortable. Money is important to live but don’t make irrational decisions chasing it. If something feels sketchy don’t go through with it.
  2. DON’T BEAT YOUSELF UP FOR MAKING A BAD DECISION. This was a hard one for me. I still think of how dumb I was for falling for such a scam. This is not my fault. IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. There are bad people in this world that will take advantage of you. They know you need something whether its money, a job, or just a desire to do something good in this world. You can’t blame yourself for seeing an opportunity that would work for you and taking it. Work on getting pass it instead of dwelling on it.
  3. CHECK ON ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS, INCLUDING THE “STRONG” FRIEND. This is an IMPORTANT factor for not just the victim, but for the victim’s family and friends. We all need someone to talk to, even that friend that comes off like nothing is ever wrong. As a friend learn how to ask if someone is ok. Don’t assume because someone is smiling or quiet that they’re fine. I’ve always tried to be that person that would hold others up. I never like to randomly call people and just tell them my problems. My own boyfriend doesn’t know that this incident above happened to me. This is why it’s important to just ask, “How are you?” or “what’s been going on with you? Are you ok?” which by the way he does. It is also important for you to ACTUALY express what’s going on. You can’t heal by staying in the dark and you don’t know what might change by telling someone else. When I told my friend Kim about my situation she told me a story about another friend that had went through something similar and how they got through it. I gained not only knowledge about it but I gained confidence that I’ll get passed it.

I hope by reading this post that you’ll allow yourself to be open with your friend. Also, I hope you allow yourself to be a listener to people in need. Relationships (any kind) is a TEAM effort and there’s no I in Team. #thisiswhatdepressionlookslike

New Year, New Me?

Happy Holidays everyone! 2017 had been a journey for us all. I won’t say it was the worst year of my life, because I’ve done and gained so much this year. I won’t let the bad things that happened this year take from that. The problem with most of us is that we constantly put our negative experiences on a hierarchy and tend to forget our accomplishments. Besides losing my grandpa, this year was pretty good. Next year will be even better. I’m speaking it into existence. New Year, new me? No. more so, New Year BETTER me. We can only approve not become something completely different.

Every year (besides this year), I put a timeline on what I wanted to accomplish, and when I didn’t I would really be down on myself. That’s not fair. You can’t control when and what happens in your life completely. Yes, it’s ok to know what you want out of it, but there’s a thin line between eagerness and ambition. Working towards your goals is great but, like everything, you can overdue it. Can’t rush progress because with rush work there comes mistakes. For example, for years I wanted a new job. I would do a gazillion application with no standards. I was applying anywhere just so I could move forward. As good as that may sound to most; it wasn’t good. For one, I applied for so many jobs that when they would call me back I would have no idea who I was dealing with. Also, without doing the proper research, I could’ve ended up somewhere worst then my current job (at the time). Now when I apply for work I research the companies I apply for as well as pace myself. I don’t apply for 30 jobs at a time. This also means that I don’t apply for two jobs and wait on a response. I balance out and always have a backup plan.

Let’s talk briefly about backup plans. I’m always the person that believes in speaking stuff into existence and owning what’s not particularly mines yet. I believe that owning something mentally will lead up to owning it physically. This has conflicted in the past. Sometimes things would go south and I would be extremely hard on myself. This is because I didn’t have a plan b. Having a plan b isn’t a bad thing. At first I thought having a backup plan was, mainly because I believed that you never fully believed in your first plan to begin with by having one, but that’s not true. Sometimes you have to think realistically. We won’t get everything we want, and don’t view that as a bad thing. Remember that there’s other ways for you to still live your life. There’s not one path to success. Also, believe in yourself. You can’t expect others to believe in you more than you. Like love. We often want others to love us unconditionally yet we don’t fully love ourselves. How can you take such strong energy from someone else without feeling it for yourself? How do you even know it’s actually good for you?

2018 is just anything year for us to discover more about ourselves. Take the opportunity to figure out what you’ll like to gain and work towards it. Don’t just talk about it, be about it. You have to be your biggest supporter, and your biggest critic. You have to show love to yourself. Treat yourself to something nice. Let the love and support you show to yourself bring love from other people. Everything starts with you.  #thisiswhatdepressionlookslike

World Mental Health Awareness Day.

Today you may (or may not) know that it’s World Mental Health Awareness Day.  In honor of today, I have a few key facts for you guys:

  • According to the Anxiety & Depression Association of America, About 15 Million People (almost 7 % of our Population) are diagnosed with some form of Depression. Imagine how many OTHERS (including yourself) are actually depressed and never seen a doctor for it.
  • Almost HALF The People are diagnosed die from suicide every year.
  • According to Lifeline.com, 350 million people worldwide suffer from depression. It is a leading cause of disability.
  • More women than Men are affected by Depression. Postpartum mood changes following childbirth can cause major depression and even to severe, incapacitating, psychotic depression.
  • People who take care of an older relative are 50% more likely to be depressed.
  • About 10- 30% of persons with diabetes experience depression.
  • Half of People doesn’t just experience depression once. It happens throughout their life.
  • Depression has been found to run in families. People who have a first-degree relative (meaning your Parents or a sibling) who has depression are at greater risk for developing the disorder than those without a similar family history. ( According to The Refuge)

All of these things can hinder you or a loved one from being able to function a normal life. The most common effects of depression can include:

  • Self-isolation
  • Anxiety
  • Chronic Pain
  • Relationship Problems (with loved ones, friends, romantic etc.)
  • Sexual dysfunction
  • Thoughts (and attempts) of suicide

Learn to communicate with one another. If you see someone down, try to build up their spirits. Try to get them away from the house and do some activities. If you feel like you can’t help someone, offer alternate solutions like therapy. Lastly, if you or a loved one has been having thoughts of suicide please contact the following hotlines:

  • Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 ( Online support available)
  • En Espanol: 1-888-628-9454
  • For Hard of Hearing/ Deaf: 1-800-799-4889
  • For Veterans: 1-800-273-8255
  • Eating Disorders: 1-877-455-0628
  • LGBT: 1-866-488-7386 ( Online support available)

Take this seriously. Please. #thisiswhatdepressionlookslike