I was always scared to love again. Love brought me so many different emotions, but being depressed is the one that stuck out the most. I was in a situation where I loved someone so much that it was toxic. I loved them so much that I couldn’t let go. More than that, I cared for them. I thought because I was in love that I was supposed to be happy all the time and even grateful, but I wasn’t. I often asked myself why. Why is this feeling causing me so much pain? Why does this feeling make me cry at night? Why does this feeling cloud my thoughts? Once I fell in love with someone else it all made sense to me again. Love comes in different forms and can change at a drop of a hat. Love is something that both people can feel about each other, but in different ways. Love is one vague feeling that has branches of other feelings. What I had in the past was tainted love. What I have now is a mixture of platonic and eye-catching love. It’s all different. I had to be open to the idea of loving again because the past made me scared of it. I’m happy I took the risk of loving again because heartbreak makes you think love is only one way and that’s not true. Open up you heart for someone worthy enough to change that vision like I did….. #thisiswhatdepressionlookslike
Letting go of any kind a relationship is some of the hardest things we have to go through in life. Things like money and materials are temporary, but the love you have for somebody that you’re close to or was once close to is something that’s pretty much unconditional. I’ve often had the argument with people about money being a key factor in life and yes, I understand why you feel that way, but there’s always ways to get money legally and unfortunately, illegally. Some people won’t ever experience real love. The love you get from somebody that totally changes your emotions whether it’s pure happiness or cold heartbreak. No this is not me telling you that heartbreak is something I want you to experience, but heartbreak has made me a better person. Heartbreak has made me grown into someone that thinks before they speak, someone thinks before they act, and someone who’s strong.
I can honestly say that I’ve been heartbroken twice in my life. One being harder to cope with. I spent my whole adult life with the same person. It was something on and off but he was someone that was always around. There were times where I couldn’t see my life without him and there were times where I felt like I was settling. I was use to our relationship, even at its roughest. I was also scared of being alone. I didn’t know what to do but stay. When I did finally leave I felt a mixture of ways. A part of me was liberated and free to do what I wanted to do. A big part of me felt bad. It was all we knew for five + years and I didn’t know what’ll happened next for both of us. For the first time I decided to stand ground and not back track. I moved on completely and thought of my happiness for once.
As much as I would like to say that romantic relationships is one of the hardest things to let go, I personally think a close friendship is harder to let go. Some of our closest friends we’ve been friends with for 10+ years. A lot of friends that you’ve been friends with that long honestly are only friends solely because of the longevity. I had a very close friend to me that I’ve known since I was 12 years old. I often thought we were different in our younger years but as we got older I realized that we were growing out of each other. We were living separate lives that were nothing alike, we were into things that were completely different, and we often had differences that seems to be jealousy. It began to become unhealthy. When we love someone we often are blind to their flaws. A lot of times were suffering because of them, but were in denial that our loved one is the problem.
Dealing with unhealthy relationships are often draining. Emotionally and physically draining. Often times we’re sadden by the thought of our relationship coming to an end. We try our best to hold on to things and “fixing them” when in reality the situation isn’t even fixable anymore. I can honestly say that letting go of someone that has been physically drained me have been a big lift off of my shoulders. Just thinking about the situations now makes me emotional, but at the end of it all, I was able to live the way that I live now and not feel like I’m being challenged or held back in some sort of way. If you don’t take care of yourself then no one will. You have to learn to let go, embrace the change, and not backtrack. Remember that when seeds grow its impossible to shrink, you only grow or die out. #thisiswhatdepressionlookslike
Titled ” She Broke My Heart And I Let Her ”
I Gave My Trust And My Love To Her Showing Her That I’m Different From The Others That Didn’t Last Or Cared That Was The Biggest Mistake I’ve Ever Made Cause She Broke My Heart And I Let Her Cause The Love That I Wasn’t Getting From Anywhere Else I Got It From Her But I Felt Like That Wasn’t Enough So I Campaigned For More She Told Me That She Wasn’t That Affectionate And That’s Something She’s Working On But Honestly I Knew She Wasn’t Gonna Be Able To Do So So I Would Just Have To Understand It But It Was Hard To Do So Cause I’m Very Affectionate And Emotional So That Wouldn’t Work For Me But I Just Took The Attention And Care She Was Giving Cause I Simply Needed It And I Wasn’t Getting It From Anywhere Else Day By Day I Felt More Close To Her The Equivalent To That Was Dancing With The Lady In The Red Dress And Caressing Her That Simple Decision Can Be The Death Of Me But It Felt So Good Doing So She Was My Guilty Pleasure But The Closer I Got To Her The More Problems Came Like Her Entertaining Other Guys On Social Media Like Facebook Twitter And Instagram That Made Me Uncomfortable But Some Way She Moon-walked Her Way Outta Every Problem I Had With Her Damn She Was Good I Just Didn’t Know How She Did So Maybe Cause I Allowed It Cause I Didn’t Want Her To Leave Me I Felt Like A Domestic Violence Abuse Victim She Had Me Saying Things Like Maybe If Loved Her More Give Her More Time And Attention Maybe She Will See That I’m All For Her And She Will Be For Me And Make Me Feel Like The Only Man In The World And Stop Giving Unnecessary Attention To Other Guys But She Didn’t She Continued Entertaining Them Niggas Damn Man I Hated The Fact She Had Me Like That But Once I’m In To Someone Like I Was With Her It’s Very Hard For Me To Let Go Cause I’ve Gotten Extremely Comfortable With Her So I Took Her Attention And Care Even If It Wasn’t Real I Didn’t Care But In A Way I Did I Was All Messed Up She Was A Very Smart Woman She Wasn’t Stupid Neither Was I But I Was Stupid In Love Just Blinded So A Few Lies Came From Her I Noticed Them But Never Said Anything On It Cause That Would Ruin What We Had So I Left It Alone I Should Of Said Something But I Didn’t Everyday After That I Felt Pain And More Pain Behind Dealing With Her My World And Heart Broke In Pieces I Simply Had To Pick Them Broken Pieces Up And Put My World And Heart Back Together The Most Difficult Thing I Had To Do In My Life I Wanted To Be Mad At Her And Hate Her But I Couldn’t I Have No One To Blame But Myself Cause I Allowed Everything She Gave Me And What She Didn’t I Was Completely A Pushover For Her Love That Wasn’t Even Real The Moral Of The Story Is She Broke My Heart And I Let Her