Happy New Year.

We’re already four days into the New Year and I’m ready to get the ball rolling on my life. The last few weeks was a bit of a roller coaster, but I managed to make it through. I don’t believe in resolutions like most, but I do believe in setting goals for yourself. I know they seem the same, but it’s not. My goals have been the same for years. Each year I’ve gotten closer and closer to them. I don’t have a timeline on when I would like them done, but each year my grind becomes more and more resilient. I don’t just work to make sure I’m good. I work to make sure that my love ones are solid too. Everything isn’t always about you. Life is about balance.

This year isn’t anything special. Nothing about this year is any different than the last, but each New Year is clean slate. I look back at 2017, see the mistakes I’ve made, and try to learn from them. Each year I start to love myself more and more. The mistakes remind me that I’m human. We often dwell on them and let them get in our heads, but there’s nothing wrong with making mistakes. There’s nothing wrong with making a few bad decisions in the course of your life. It’s about the knowledge you gain from things. This year, like every other year, is about growth.

A few posts back I wrote about taking a leap of faith. Consider it. If you don’t take risk in life then you’ll life will always be the same. Are you really happy with the life you live now or would you like more for yourself? We often settle for what we have because it’s familiar. The life we have now is convenient and we don’t want to complicate anything. You’re complicating your life by doing nothing. The longer you stay in a routine they harder it is to break that cycle. I was talking to the girl last week about writing. She told me it was too late for her to pursue her dreams of writing books and she needs to stay working at the job she’s at. She had been there 3 years, working hard for a promotion she hasn’t gotten yet. She was 31 and had gave up on her dreams of writing books. She rather work for someone then create her own wave for herself. Honestly, I was disappointed.

Like that girl, I too have felt like I should give up on my dreams too. The old me felt like I didn’t have the time (or money) to pursue anything on my own. Even deeper than that, I didn’t have the confidence to try entrepreneurship. It took a lot of hard work and dedication to start something up for yourself. I thought it was just easier to find a company and work for them. You won’t be held accountable for any major decisions. Then I really thought about it. I was never happy working for someone else. I never liked doing the kind of work I been doing and I think I’m more valuable than these companies treat me. I was often told that I was smarter than the position I was working and people was right. You’re never too old to follow your dreams. This year dedicate your time into doing something you love. Don’t give up on your dreams because you feel old or people around you don’t support like you desire. Take that leap you’ve been wanting to for years. Change your life cycle and watch you growth. You can’t grow without planting new seeds and nourishing them. #thisiswhatdepressionlookslike

 

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New Year, New Me?

Happy Holidays everyone! 2017 had been a journey for us all. I won’t say it was the worst year of my life, because I’ve done and gained so much this year. I won’t let the bad things that happened this year take from that. The problem with most of us is that we constantly put our negative experiences on a hierarchy and tend to forget our accomplishments. Besides losing my grandpa, this year was pretty good. Next year will be even better. I’m speaking it into existence. New Year, new me? No. more so, New Year BETTER me. We can only approve not become something completely different.

Every year (besides this year), I put a timeline on what I wanted to accomplish, and when I didn’t I would really be down on myself. That’s not fair. You can’t control when and what happens in your life completely. Yes, it’s ok to know what you want out of it, but there’s a thin line between eagerness and ambition. Working towards your goals is great but, like everything, you can overdue it. Can’t rush progress because with rush work there comes mistakes. For example, for years I wanted a new job. I would do a gazillion application with no standards. I was applying anywhere just so I could move forward. As good as that may sound to most; it wasn’t good. For one, I applied for so many jobs that when they would call me back I would have no idea who I was dealing with. Also, without doing the proper research, I could’ve ended up somewhere worst then my current job (at the time). Now when I apply for work I research the companies I apply for as well as pace myself. I don’t apply for 30 jobs at a time. This also means that I don’t apply for two jobs and wait on a response. I balance out and always have a backup plan.

Let’s talk briefly about backup plans. I’m always the person that believes in speaking stuff into existence and owning what’s not particularly mines yet. I believe that owning something mentally will lead up to owning it physically. This has conflicted in the past. Sometimes things would go south and I would be extremely hard on myself. This is because I didn’t have a plan b. Having a plan b isn’t a bad thing. At first I thought having a backup plan was, mainly because I believed that you never fully believed in your first plan to begin with by having one, but that’s not true. Sometimes you have to think realistically. We won’t get everything we want, and don’t view that as a bad thing. Remember that there’s other ways for you to still live your life. There’s not one path to success. Also, believe in yourself. You can’t expect others to believe in you more than you. Like love. We often want others to love us unconditionally yet we don’t fully love ourselves. How can you take such strong energy from someone else without feeling it for yourself? How do you even know it’s actually good for you?

2018 is just anything year for us to discover more about ourselves. Take the opportunity to figure out what you’ll like to gain and work towards it. Don’t just talk about it, be about it. You have to be your biggest supporter, and your biggest critic. You have to show love to yourself. Treat yourself to something nice. Let the love and support you show to yourself bring love from other people. Everything starts with you.  #thisiswhatdepressionlookslike

Holiday Season.

Christmas is next week and I’m pretty excited. This was my first holiday season in I don’t know how long that I only worked one job. Financially, it was difficult for me. I’m so use to buying people the gifts I want and having money left over for me. That wasn’t the case. I’ve did all my shopping, paid all my bills, and only have money left over for food and travel (to work, etc.). The thought of this honestly made me quite sad at first. Then I saw the bigger picture. Last year I worked 60 hours a week and had school. I got extremely sick to the point that I couldn’t physically make it into work. I realized then that my health was more important than some gifts.

The gift situation wasn’t the only thing difficult about this year for me. This was the first year without my grandfather. I’d always looked forward to buying him something, giving it to him, and watching his face light up with joy. He liked everything I bought him and even bigger than that, he appreciated anything someone did for him. He was one of the most humble people I knew. Just talking about him now makes me emotional. Even though for the last few month he wasn’t fully responsive, the energy around the house was still different. I’m still use to getting ready for work and going to talk to him before I walk out the door. Even though he didn’t talk back, I felt his energy. With him not here I notice my grandmother’s mood being quite different too. The other day she told me about the holiday parties they thrown for years. She finished the story telling me how much she missed him. It’s not easy for me to see her sad, but I couldn’t imagine how it must feel to lose your husband of 54 years.

My grandmother and I have been really close this past month. We been helping each other get through this tough holiday season. From shopping together, to decorating and even going out to eat together. Most importantly, we pray together. We make sure that we both stay grounded and stress free. Things are easier with a team. Without her, I don’t know how I would have gotten through this month. I admire her strength. I admire her intelligence and I admire her ability to be honest with herself. She’s not afraid of telling you how she feels. She told me that if I’m ever hurting inside that I NEED to express it no matter what. She always believed that most people die because they’re going through things physically and emotionally by themselves without getting help. I agree. I know from personal experience that keeping stuff inside can be draining. She watched some of her close friends pass with secrets. Whether it was relationship issues or sickness.

This season connect with a love one. Help someone out. This is a difficult time for a lot of people for both of the reasons I expressed earlier. If we help one another we can accomplish a whole lot more. We’re all different. Me personally I believe in prayer and team work. Find what works for you. My grandmother always told me that depression comes from self-isolation. Expressing yourself to your peers without worrying about judgement is key. Listening to your love ones express their feelings without judgement is key.  The best gift you could give yourself is integrity. #thisiswhatdepressionlookslike